Sirkowski

ghastly-h-crackers:

thinston:

ghastly-h-crackers:

Today I told two jokes that made people angry at me for being inappropriate and/or “too soon”. It made me nostalgic for when I did comics and Furries would e-mail me after a Bunny-Boy strip calling me an insensitive bigot.

You can’t post this and then not tell us what the jokes are…!

The first was on an article with the headline “Police beat their wives/girlfriends at double the national rate”. and I posted “Does that mean they’re hitting them twice as much or just slapping them a lot faster”.

The second was an article about a guy who decapitated himself with a chain wrapped around his neck and I posted “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.”

I will readily admit they’re very tasteless jokes. It’s generally what I do when confronted with a horror and I’d rather not start screaming. A defence mechanism for sure, but it has served my sanity well. It also helps self-regulate my facebook friends list.

How dare you hurt these wive-beating cops’ feelings!

ohnojackchick:

don’t forget to pick up your official Jack Chick merch
Letting Go of the Fear of Eating Pork

exhijabifashion:

This is a late #Haramadan submission. I know, I know, bad admin. More coming.

image

We’re both looking at the menus and he asks, “What do you want for an appetizer?” I look over the menu and reply, “Um, how about the bruschetta?” He leans in and points to an item on the menu that I always overlook, don’t even bother reading the name of – ‘Charcuterie platter’. I freeze for a second. What goes through my mind might surprise many people. I wonder ‘Is the meat from a pig?’

We’re at another restaurant. I’m craving steak. I read over the Main Dishes, making sure to read the description and ingredients of each one of those succulent masterpieces. I read ‘Pork Tenderloin’. I skip reading its description.

Why do I do this? Why, as an ex-Muslim, am I okay with alcohol and eating non-halal meat, but not bacon? Or pork? Or ham? Or pepperoni pizza?

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I’ve been an ex-Muslim for a few years. Letting go of this fear of eating pig is one of the last, and hardest hurdles for me to overcome. I started out with the little things. At restaurants, I stopped telling servers to hold off on the bacon bits in my Caesar salad. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about it. I thought about it every time I took a bite of that salad. I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong, or forbidden. I just, thought about it.

 It’s so heavily ingrained in each and every Muslim’s mind, that even after years of telling yourself, after years of getting away from it, you still can’t truly escape it. So many false statements ring in my mind when I think about eating bacon “It’s haram. Kaafirs eat pork. A pig is dirty, it’s been cursed by Allah.”

I remember a vacation to France with my family when I was 6 or 7 years old. We were at a lunch buffer, and there was a French family sitting on the table next to us. The mother had lots of freckles on her arms, but me being a simpleton from Pakistan (where people hardly have the kind of freckles Caucasians tend to have), I asked my mother what was on that woman’s arm. My mother looked over at her for a second and replied, “It’s what happens when you eat pork.”

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I took these pictures this Haramadan to help myself get over this irrational fear I’ve been carrying with me my whole life. And I share them with others who might be going through similar things as me. Those who constantly wonder, even as ex-Muslims, “What am I doing?” What we are doing is living life, and enjoying everything it has to offer us. Without guilt. Without shame.

He who fights with monsters should be careful he doesn’t become a monster himself. Unless that makes him more effective at fighting monsters. Like he becomes a badass werewolf who knows how to use a sword and has magic armor. That’d be so rad.
Nietzsche (via doc-sarge)
You know why I'm angry? You live on this planet, shouldn't you be, too?
Anonymous

Don’t be angry at me. It’s not my fault I live on this planet.

what's the weirdest thing you were ever hired for?
Anonymous

monzo12782:

miss-dynamite:

I’ll copy/paste from an old blog post.

A few months ago (2010) I received an e-mail asking me if I could draw hentai for school children. I almost didn’t reply because that sounded too much like a hoax. But the e-mail came from an ad agency and it seemed legit. I had nothing to lose by seeing where this would go so I said I was interested. If anything, I would’ve liked to be embroiled in a scandal with demagogue pundits screaming will someone think of the children!

Next the ad agency wanted me to quote a price but couldn’t tell me exactly what the illustration was. It wasn’t their fault, the client wouldn’t tell the agency what it was, except they wanted two androgynous hentai characters. And the price needed to be final. So I overcharged a bit what I thought it could be worth, just to make sure I wouldn’t end up actually undercharging if the work happened to be more than I expected. I didn’t like doing that, but it’s not my fault the client isn’t giving me a full description of what he wants. But in the end, it turns out I charged just the right price considering the work demanded.

Two weeks pass and I don’t hear from the ad agency. I figure they found someone cheaper. I forgot about it but then the ad agency asks for my port folio. Now I got a problem. They want hentai for school children? Really?? Do they know what hentai is? Do they think hentai is a synonim for anime or manga? I don’t want to e-mail a picture of a facial cumshot and freak out the designer. So I e-mail her and ask her if she knows the difference between hentai and anime. You know hentai is porn, right? She asks me to phone her… Getting through the agency’s phone system, now I know this is legit. I talk to the designer. She explains she knows exactly what hentai is and she asked the same question to the client. She told the client that hentai is porn. The client answers, “you’re generalizing”. Uh, no she’s not. Ok, hentai means perverted and it can be something as trivial as a panty shot. But still, hentai is exploitation, it’s a type of porn.

The client’s previous ad campaign didn’t reach kids as much as they wanted. They used childish kids cartoon and nobody cared. So they want something that’s anime, but not childish. They don’t want something like Pokémon. So something more like those Bishounen and shojo or whatever it’s called (too lazy to check Wikipedia). But that’s not hentai. But why do they need to be androgynous? Like yaoi?? And did I hear something about oral sex hygiene??? I’m very confused but at least I know this is serious.

I send a non-porn port folio or my most “anime looking” illustrations. Turns out the client like the one that looks the least like anime… *sigh* But I’m approved and I can start working on the project. I’ve made an animation Gif of the whole (slow and long; you know, bureaucrats) process.

Turns out the client is the Health Ministry. It’s not about oral sex, it’s about preventing bad breath by brushing your tongue. But why are they androgynous?? I guess a boy and a girl can’t be in the same bathroom. And that was the hard part. It’s easy to draw a tomboy or an effeminate man. Or a butch or an obvious trap. But drawing someone you really can’t tell, that’s hard. I’m not sure I’ve succeeded either.

Anyway, I’ve received my paycheck today and the mirror the illustration was printed on was in the envelope. There’s a magnet behind so kids can stick it on their locker’s door. Sorry kids, maybe you’ll get some real government hentai someday.

On the one hand, I try to keep this Tumblr primarily SFW, and so apologize in advance if the above-quoted verbiage offends anyone who is here for their robot/retro fixes. On the other hand, that is probably the most insane story about art freelancing for the Canadian Ministry of Health in existence. Like, I don’t even know how many contenders there can be for that title, but I’m pretty sure this one is the winner? I barely even know how to tag this.

This has 400 notes?

What’s a “little black pervert”?

gijokers:

Duke, fat jokes are not becoming of a leader.

markargent:

but ske’s such a nice skeleton, why can’t you just give skem a chance

sexhaver:

stantler:

grab-the-sushi-and-run:

ASH KETCHUM YOU LUCKY BOY YOU GOT TO DO EVERYTHINGAWESOME IN THE POKEMON WORLD IT’S NOT FAIR ANYMORE

he never got to grow up, spend time with his family, or have a family of his own. he has a 5th grade education at best, hes essentially homeless, and the only friend hes retained through all of his travels is a mouse. 

he is literally riding the god of the oceans like a fucking flying horse do you think he gives a rat’s ass about his education


Can these gods buy him a new bike? No?

sexhaver:

stantler:

grab-the-sushi-and-run:

ASH KETCHUM YOU LUCKY BOY YOU GOT TO DO EVERYTHINGAWESOME IN THE POKEMON WORLD IT’S NOT FAIR ANYMORE

he never got to grow up, spend time with his family, or have a family of his own. he has a 5th grade education at best, hes essentially homeless, and the only friend hes retained through all of his travels is a mouse. 

he is literally riding the god of the oceans like a fucking flying horse do you think he gives a rat’s ass about his education

Can these gods buy him a new bike? No?

what state do you live in?
Anonymous

narcotic:

Usually denial 

qalaba:

miscegene:

summertimelovegirl:

blue-author:

gallifrey-feels:

awkwardsmilememe:

THIS CROW FUCKING UNDERSTANDS WATER DISPLACEMENT. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO BE TOLD EVERY YEAR BY A TEACHER HOW WATER DISPLACEMENT WORKS. DO THEY THINK I’M LESS INTELLIGENT THAN A FUCKING CROW? FUCKING DONE.


Crows discovered the principle of displacement in the third century BC, when the philosopher Awkimedes, upon noticing the level of his bird bath rose in proportion with the amount of his body that was submerged, reportedly exclaimed “EURECAW!” and flew through the streets of Athens shouting his discovery.

EURECAW

Tumblr will believe anything smfh. The law that’s being described is Archimedes’ Principle and Archimedes of Syracuse(the guy who discovered this) said Eureka, not Eurecaw.

qalaba:

miscegene:

summertimelovegirl:

blue-author:

gallifrey-feels:

awkwardsmilememe:

THIS CROW FUCKING UNDERSTANDS WATER DISPLACEMENT. WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO BE TOLD EVERY YEAR BY A TEACHER HOW WATER DISPLACEMENT WORKS. DO THEY THINK I’M LESS INTELLIGENT THAN A FUCKING CROW? FUCKING DONE.

Crows discovered the principle of displacement in the third century BC, when the philosopher Awkimedes, upon noticing the level of his bird bath rose in proportion with the amount of his body that was submerged, reportedly exclaimed “EURECAW!” and flew through the streets of Athens shouting his discovery.

EURECAW

Tumblr will believe anything smfh. The law that’s being described is Archimedes’ Principle and Archimedes of Syracuse(the guy who discovered this) said Eureka, not Eurecaw.

And there's already porn of it.
Anonymous

expert-jumper:

definitivelysarah:

"No homo" cries the team at the dig site. The head archaeologist sinks to his knees, sobbing. He has dedicated his entire career to the pursuit of homo habilis, an important part of the hominid evolutionary line. All his work led up to this archaeological dig site. But now, his whole life has been for nothing. There is no homo….there is only Australopithecus.

I love you

The animatronics in Five Nights at Freddy's are repurposed military androids purchased wholesale from an Aperture Science warehouse after GLaDOS went crazy. At least, that's how I'm calling it.
Anonymous

That’s what everyone’s posting? I didn’t even know what it was; I never bothered reading.